For creative perfectionists

I've been trying to write fiction for a long while and the only succesfull and satisfactory result was a short story I wrote for my English exam when I was 14.I did try my luck in romance fiction for a fandom and ended up copying real life incidents and surroundings which later turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes in my life so far.So I fell back to jotting down ideas and trying to expand them before finally giving up altogether.So I went back to scribbling down poems which sometimes made sense and mostly never did.All the time waiting for the perfect way (needless to say I'm a perfectionist) until the day I chatted with a girl from Scotland who also liked writing.We had so much in common and were both fans of a same fandom.And I loved reading fanfictions.People tend to look down on fanfics for they lack originality as in characters but trust me when I say there are some hidden gems in between them.Most of them are just for entertainment and yes ,there tend to be a lot of porn too (can you blame the fans when mostly, the characters are playing with unresolved sexual tension in almost every fandom?!)

But there are a few beautifuly written mind blowingly amazing stories in these fanfics out there which makes you wonder how come they haven't got published anything yet??! And then there are are cross overs from one fandom to another.They are exciting to read as we can enjoy our favourite fictional characters comes together in one big universe.Then there are the AU's or alternate universes where the original characters are placed in surroundings different than the canon (official version) and most of the beautiful stories come from here.Except for the names of the characters these could be seperate fictional story but a beautiful story no less.I'm really jealous of  these talented  writers who makes take e journey to a different world through their words making me feel each and every emotion coursing through the characters and keeps my eyes glued to the screen to the point I forger eat or sleep.How do they do it?! Really?! What makes these words so easy to stumble down their brain and effortlessly flow through their hands painting  a perfectly pieced picture of gorgeousness?! And each time I read one,the perfectionist in me sighs and gives up my resolve to write my perfect masterpiece because how on earth will I be able to compete with such beauties?!

These were the thoughts in my head until I met this friend (technically chatted) from across the seas who directed  me to one little thing that I forgot to see or easily ignored.I told her that everytime I try to write an idea that I'll think of the others who could do much better than me abd I might as well don't do it at all.And then she told me,that no matter what the idea is or how common it might seem that only I,myself can bring the exact perception of it to the world in my terms.In other words only I can telk it the way I do.Nobody else can.And that was a revelation.And it was true.Only I can bring the story alive in my own way.Any other person might get the idea,but perceptions woud be different,style would be different and until I do it myself,I'll never get the satisfaction of the artist which comes from the completion of the creation of the art work.And that my dears is the only thing that matters.Never pull yourself back just because you are afraid that someone somewhere out there might/can do a better job of it,because only you can your own masterpiece.Just think,sunflowers could be drawn in so many ways but only Vincent Van Gogh drew it in his way.There are a lot of sunflower paintings ,some with painstakingly detailed drawings but Van Gogh's sunflowers are priced above them all because of its uniqueness.And it wouldn't have happened if Van Gogh thought that his paintings are good for nothing or some others might have drawn it better.So go out and do whatever that was nagging in the back of your minds for weeks and weeks which you were putting off for fear of failure in perfection.Whatever way  you do it,it is the perfection,it may not be your own way of perfection,but it might be another's.

Reparations & reservations

I'm a BIG fan of British actor Benedict Cumberbatch eversince I came across Sherlock.(Well not the creepy kind of fan -who-cyberstalks-and-sents-fanmail-and-shamelessly-sighs-over-his half-naked scenes.I might be the only fangirl who haven't watched his deleted shower scenes and not inclining to thank you very much,although that might have more to do with my asexuality than anything else).Although I'd love to go on and on about his perfection *sigh* that'd be better suited if I go to tumbler where all of us fangirls can drool and sigh over him in groups.So coming back to the topic I came across a news that apparently the ancestors of newest Mayor of New York,Stacey Cumberbatch were slaves of Benedict's (oh yeah.we are on first name basis inside my head) family long back,resulting in her sharing their surname as that was the custom back then.Naturally claims of reparations came up in the ensuing discussion.(I love reparations,how the high & mighty sweat in the name of reparations!)
But I don't think they are going to press for reparations.I mean the woman is NewYork city Mayor,duh.But then again there was a white woman's comment advicing him to lawyer up before his hard earned money would be gone in a poof.In a way its true.He earned that money and despite being actors seem all glamour and stuff,its a tough and unstable job.But what about families of the ancestors who had suffered through all those years of slavery.God knows what horrors they must have faced.Kind of reminds me of the reservation system in our country which were made up as a way of reparations for the opression suffered by the lower castes.
I've been hearing complaints and whining against reservation system left and right and centre (doesn't actually helps especially when you have only upper caste friends anyway)And a common comparison I kept hearing is that how a rich lower caste person getting more increments and supports in financial matters than to a poor caste citizen.And for the life of me ,I have yet to meet a "rich lower caste citizen".Sure,I've met poor upper caste students who study harder than any of the fellow students for survival of the fittest.For every lower caste member who is well off in the financial department I've seen much better of the higher castes anyway.
I understand that this is a sensitive subject and I honestly had enough fights about it.But the main point ,the so called upper casters conveniently avoid is that no matter how poor their financial state are they are being helped by fellow members of their organisations ,not to mention they do anything to get the best education for their children.Meanwhile the lower castes and tribals trouble to attain even the primary education mostly due to the unwareness of  their rights which leads to anothet generation of uneducated and ignorant people who doesn't even know their rights far less to fight for them.They are still exploited and cast away from their rights.All I'm asking is that as a normal middle class educated lower caste citizen like me  who was born & raised in a supposedly intellectually advanced city had to emotionally suffer through the caste discrimination inspite of Goverment support ,how terrible it would be for the uneducated & poor??!

I've personally seen people who have risen up from their poor conditions through education despite their castes or whatever.And for upper caste citizen  who scream against reservations should know that if a 75% mark cut off (way lower than what is required for general seats)is required for a placement in any reputed college for a lower caste where there is only a limited number of seats (less than general seats) reserved for them,there probably would be atleast a 92% mark attainer in their midst and the others had to work harder to surpass that because unlike the general they have only a limited number of seats and if a nerd already got around 90% they should obviously get more than that to secure the seat.It is a simple logic which most somehow feel obliged to neglect.(Ofcourse the standard of the college goes down in accordance with the cut offs).

Education is the only way to eliminate inneccesary evils.But what will be the condition when ecucated people itsrlf don't see the sense in extending awareness and education to people who are below them and try fighting it and screaming for what they are not given,instead of giving a hand to rise them up.Its more like the story in Bible where the king forcefully takes away the only lamb of the poor shepherd.Moreover wouldn't it be easier for justice  when all are equal and how can we attain equality if the rich rises richer and the poor stays poorer?! And I cannot see any justice in it at all.

Venting anger

I've been reading a feature about children being sexually assualted in their own homes.Some of the stories were unbelievably haunting in its cruelty.I came across one where a mother walked in on a 50year old some guy who came to work in an adjucent building doing oral sex on her 6 month year old baby!!! The image leaves me shuddering and an intense need to vomit which is exactly what the unfortunate mother's reaction was.The man ran away,but imagine the mind of such an insane imbecile to see such pure & innocent child in such a twisted way.Pedophiles and Rapists when they are proved guilty should be casterated.I believe and support that if atleast one man is given such a punishment,no one would dare to try it again.

The chronicles of hair,oil & South India

I came across a tweet today which was  kind of funny.It was
"Q: How to become a South Indian?
A : Oil your hair"
Setting aside the sudden rush of anger against stereotyping South Indians (I'm obviously one)I quickly realised the funny side of it.Because though that doesn't neccesarily depict everything about South Indians it is quite true about the obsession of oiling their hair (and the secret of our long luscious thick hair).And being a typical rebel I always avoided doing exactly that.Each day I come across atleast one elder asking me to tie my hair and/or telling me to oil my hair.Its funny to see them doing it again & again despite the fact that the hair is on MY head which makes it pretty much MY PROPERTY and that I have the right to do whatever I want with it!
Hot oil is really good for hair growth.It also relaxes you,strengthens hair and make it shinier.Agreed ..But (ofcourse there is a but) leaving it on hair makes it rash,fuzzy,not to mention loads of dust accumulating on the scalp.It also makes you look like you have just risen from a grease pit.I don't even want to talk about people with curly hair like me. Except that after centuries of  worshipping straight thick hair,only recently curly hair started being trendy.No way in hell I'll waste this chance to show off.This ranting is pretty much the result of every still-stuck-in-the-19th-century uncles and aunties who regularly advice me & my fellow unfortunately-modern-mindset girls  to go out with tied hair full of greasy oil.Don't even make them talk about colouring hair.They will probably make it sound like it is the next worst thing to prostitution. And this happens in the 21st century where girls all over the world pins & tries everykind of hair styles available at pinterest ! Maybe its just South Indians.I'd say uneducated but most of them are educated & works blue collar jobs (perks of being a South Indian is that probably have a score of 95+ but don't expect a knowledge of current trends,even if you do then it would be opiniated & stubborn on the views) If a simple thing like trying an advanced hair style is considered unconventional I guess I have to agree to the words of a fellow tweeter that "India is still stuck in  the middle ages"

N.B. This doesn't mean I'll start tying my lovely curly hair or oiling it

Just a reaction

I woke up this morning to yet another email asking me to sign a petition against another rape in India.This time a woman was gang raped as punishment for falling in love.More horrific is the fact that she was ordered to rape and got raped by elder men who she grew up calling dada,kakka etc (equivalent to uncle).As a woman & an Indian I sat shocked for a moment  ashamed and horrified of yet another despairing treatment of a woman simply because she was that a woman! What is happening in India?? Even the views of educated men puts uncivilsed cave men to shame.Yet another candle march or silent walk is been done somewhere.But is this enough.As long as people doesn't change their views as women as just an object of desire or weaker sex ,nothing changes.These days when I walkout I see that men look at my face and then to my breasts.I don't mind looking at my face.But looking at a women with sexual intent without her consent is pretty much sexual assualt.I cannot react to every person staring at me because obviously thrn I won't be able to walk without a permanent glare stuck on my face.This is the pathetic nature of our people.Shameless creepy staring doesn't actually gain them anything.But just the idea that just a glance of your bra strap can fuel the nights of perverted fantasies does sents a  shudder of disgust through me.Hoping against hope, that  unfortunate sister get her justice but knowing fully well nothing would make her turn back to the old innocent hurtless version of her I stop my rant.But yes India ,I'm ashamed of you and your men.

Chaos and clutter

Have you ever felt your mind fill with thoughts,emotions and they keep fastforwarding and swirling around? Like chaos,it is everywhere and you need an outlet.Anything will do or atleast that is what it feels like except that you need to find out what exactly the outlet is.Sometimes it might come as rhythmic words tumbling out as a poem,or just some words which does'nt make any sense alone,but paints a pretty picture when it is done? Sometimes you have to take a paintbrush and colours and watch it form something,most often not what you had in mind but  feels much peaceful since you let it out.Is that what creativity feel?The compulsion or urge to let the chaos in our mind form into something of a physical form.The restlessness is almost tangible.The tension, thick in your heart squeezing,beating like a humming bird wings to let it out.And the almost orgasmic relief and peace after the creative release.Ah the poor ones who are stupid enough to interrupt almost immediately run away shocked by the wrath in the almost calm and eccentric nature of the artist.I wonder if this is how every artist feel regardless of their medium.Becase this is exactly how I feel

Coming out as an ace

Today I came out as an ace or asexual person to my mother and to my biggest surprise,she happily accepted it.She didn't throw a tantrum or gave me advices or try to "repair" me.Maybe it had to do with the fact that even though I'm 21 I've never been in a relationship,not to mention any sexual affairs.
That was an unexpected and such a refreshing reaction I almost cried.Of all the three people I've come out to,intentionally picking friends of different circles all I got was either advices like I haven't met the right person yet or downright ignorance like asexuality doesn't exist and this is just a phase.You have really no idea how insulting that is when others act like they know more about me than myself ! But from today I don't have anymore reason to be closeted because the only person that actually mattered to me accepted me as myself.And to people who throw about nonsense trying to change me ,it is not going to work.All I can say to them is fuck off...I'm what I am